Nicholas Allen: The Weight of the Beret and the Search for Purpose

For Nicholas Allen, becoming a Green Beret wasn’t just a career goal—it was his singular focus. What began with rejection from a Marine recruiter because of a tattoo turned into a promise to himself: he would take on something even harder. When the Army recruiter mentioned Special Forces, Allen knew he had found his path. “What’s the hardest thing you got?” he asked. The answer—Special Forces—lit a fire that drove every decision from that moment forward.

Allen threw himself into the training pipeline, rising to the top of nearly every class. The discipline, competition, and intensity fueled him in ways nothing else had before. Yet he admits he didn’t always take things seriously in the early stages. “I would goof off until the second it was time to be serious. Then I could turn it on.” That mindset carried him through selection, the Q course, and eventually onto an Operational Detachment Alpha (ODA).

But in 2015, everything changed. During a waterborne training exercise in Oregon, Allen was launched from a boat, smashing his head and later colliding with an engine. Even later another accident drove his skull into concrete. “That was it. That ended my career,” he recalls. Severe concussions, traumatic brain injury, and memory loss followed. The pain was blinding, the vertigo disorienting, and the depression suffocating. His marriage crumbled, and the Army moved to medically retire him.

The transition was brutal. “The Army’s not real—it’s a fantasy world,” Allen explains. “When it ends, you feel like you’ve lost everything. You’re left alone with depression and a bottle of whiskey.” For a time, alcohol became his escape, a slow slide toward self-destruction.

But Allen’s story didn’t end there. Determined not to let bitterness define him, he found new strength in the gym, trading drinking for discipline. “Am I the strongest I’ve ever been? Absolutely. I never thought I’d get here,” he says with pride. The weight room became both therapy and purpose.

Even more importantly, Allen discovered a new mission—storytelling. Through his podcast, Lesser Known Operators, he gives other service members a platform to share their experiences, triumphs, and struggles. It’s his way of continuing the brotherhood and honoring those who can no longer tell their own stories. “Why can’t I continue being a Green Beret in a healthy way? I can represent the regiment, embody those values, and help others,” he explains.

Allen is clear-eyed about the cost of service and the challenges of transition. He speaks candidly about depression, identity, and suicide, acknowledging the weight that veterans often carry. But he also chooses hope. “Purpose,” he says when asked what drives him now. “That’s the goal—for me, and for others. If I can live with purpose, maybe I can help someone else do the same.”

Nicholas Allen’s journey is not just about the beret he earned but about resilience, recovery, and finding meaning after loss. His story reminds us that while a uniform may come off, the fight for purpose never ends.